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Fragile Magic
Capricorn
HDF Supporter
Goat Roper
  
Halfway between Margaritaville and Detox....
Posts: 5,644
APPD 0.82
Post Rank: 14
2005 Yamaha AR230HO
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Posted: Mar. 04 2010,7:09 am |
Post # 1 |
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Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise.. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
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| Member # 1952 | Joined: 12-29-2005 | |
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Fragile Magic
Capricorn
HDF Supporter
Goat Roper
Halfway between Margaritaville and Detox....
Posts: 5,644
APPD 0.82
Post Rank: 14
2005 Yamaha AR230HO
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Posted: Mar. 04 2010,3:33 pm |
Post # 5 |
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| Quote (DirtySquirty @ Mar. 04 2010,1:21 pm) | | Quote (WATERDOG @ Mar. 04 2010,12:45 pm) | I want a second opionion.  |
Not me...........  Â Â |
Lady walks into the Doc's office for an exam, the Doc says, "Lady, you are flat out fat, you need to lose some weight!" The lady, totally offended shoots back with. "I am NOT fat, just big-boned, and I demand a second opinion!!!"
The Doc cooly answers back, "Ok, you're ugly too....."
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| Member # 1952 | Joined: 12-29-2005 | |
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WATERDOG
Gemini
HDF Silver Supporter
Don't Bother Me, I'm in Havi
MENIFEE, CA
Posts: 10,292
APPD 1.60
Post Rank: 8
ELIMINATOR EAGLE
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Posted: Mar. 04 2010,3:43 pm |
Post # 6 |
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| Quote (Fragile Magic @ Mar. 04 2010,3:33 pm) | | Quote (DirtySquirty @ Mar. 04 2010,1:21 pm) | | Quote (WATERDOG @ Mar. 04 2010,12:45 pm) | | I want a second opionion. |
Not me........... Â Â |
Lady walks into the Doc's office for an exam, the Doc says, "Lady, you are flat out fat, you need to lose some weight!" Â The lady, totally offended shoots back with. "I am NOT fat, just big-boned, and I demand a second opinion!!!"
The Doc cooly answers back, "Ok, you're ugly too....."
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"Damn you sure know how to fock things up."-GFR
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| Member # 2868 | Joined: 4-23-2007 | |
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gigamurph
Taurus
HDF Supporter
Boat Racer
Hemet, CA
Posts: 2,314
APPD 0.30
Post Rank: 28
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Posted: Mar. 04 2010,6:14 pm |
Post # 8 |
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| Quote (Fragile Magic @ Mar. 04 2010,3:33 pm) | | Quote (DirtySquirty @ Mar. 04 2010,1:21 pm) | | Quote (WATERDOG @ Mar. 04 2010,12:45 pm) | | I want a second opionion. |
Not me........... Â Â |
Lady walks into the Doc's office for an exam, the Doc says, "Lady, you are flat out fat, you need to lose some weight!" Â The lady, totally offended shoots back with. "I am NOT fat, just big-boned, and I demand a second opinion!!!"
The Doc cooly answers back, "Ok, you're ugly too....."
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Woman is standin' in front of a full length mirorr admirin' 'erself. Her husband walks in and asks; "What the hell are you doin'?"
She answwers; "I went to the doctor today and he said I have the body of a 25 year old."
Husbands snickers back; "What did he say about yer 55 year old a$$?"
Wife ends the conversation with; "You didn't even come up in the conversation."
ta-dum 
"My lifestyle determines my deathstyle!" -Metallica
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| Member # 252 | Joined: 10-20-2003 | |
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GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter
V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca
Posts: 62,729
APPD 7.90
Post Rank: 1
Spectra20
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Posted: Mar. 05 2010,4:52 am |
Post # 9 |
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| Quote (CaliKat @ Mar. 04 2010,4:46 pm) | (Unless it's champagne with Oreos....)  |
Correction, Oreos and beer!..
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| Member # 101 | Joined: 3-03-2003 | |
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DirtySquirty
Sagittarius
HDF Supporter
Boy named Sue
Ventura, CA
Posts: 12,202
APPD 1.94
Post Rank: 6
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Posted: Mar. 05 2010,7:07 am |
Post # 10 |
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| Quote (gigamurph @ Mar. 04 2010,6:14 pm) | | Quote (Fragile Magic @ Mar. 04 2010,3:33 pm) | | Quote (DirtySquirty @ Mar. 04 2010,1:21 pm) | | Quote (WATERDOG @ Mar. 04 2010,12:45 pm) | | I want a second opionion. |
Not me........... Â Â |
Lady walks into the Doc's office for an exam, the Doc says, "Lady, you are flat out fat, you need to lose some weight!" Â The lady, totally offended shoots back with. "I am NOT fat, just big-boned, and I demand a second opinion!!!"
The Doc cooly answers back, "Ok, you're ugly too....."
|
Woman is standin' in front of a full length mirorr admirin' 'erself. Her husband walks in and asks; "What the hell are you doin'?"
She answwers; "I went to the doctor today and he said I have the body of a 25 year old."
Husbands snickers back; "What did he say about yer 55 year old a$$?"
Wife ends the conversation with; "You didn't even come up in the conversation."
ta-dum |
 
"It seemed like a hell of an idea at the time".
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| Member # 3157 | Joined: 9-06-2007 | |
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