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GoFastRacer Male

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Spectra20

Posted: Nov. 07 2004,6:11 pm

Post # 1

When the power mower broke and wouldn't run, I kept
hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but
somehow the 'message' never sank in. Finally, I thought of a clever way to make my point.
When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated
in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments when he came out
again. He handed me a toothbrush.
"When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the drive-way."

The doctors say he will probably live, but it will be quite awhile before all the casts come off.

:laugh

| Member # 101 | Joined: 3-03-2003 |

BigBoyToys Male

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Posted: Nov. 08 2004,9:07 pm

Post # 2

OBAMA=OneBigAssMistakeAmerica

| Member # 87 | Joined: 2-19-2003 |

LookMaNoHands Male

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Posted: Nov. 09 2004,6:34 am

Post # 3

Read this whenever you get pissed..............bound to take the edge off. I added a couple of my favorites at the end - the guy was a classic.

Enjoy.

Rodney Dangerfield's 20 Best One Liners

1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had
nothing to play with.

2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's
home." I went over. Nobody was home.

3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the
other night she called me from a hotel.

4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging
naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said
"Because you came home early."

5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ...put a shirt on
and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came
off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat
kept covering me up.

7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster
and radio.

8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast-fed me. She
told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who
came with his wallet.

10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said
to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled
through."

11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was
born.

12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece
of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to
help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find
them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can
hide."

14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking
how big I'd get.

16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I
look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?"
He said..."I don't know - but your eyesight is perfect."

17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
pills. He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get
my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he
leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on
the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.

20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.

Those are funny. Here's a couple of my favorite Rodney one liners:

I know I'm ugly, hell, when I went to the proctologist, he stuck his finger in my mouth.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly - I'm ugly I tell ya.................. when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!!

I hired a hooker.......... she told me she doesn't do it on the first date.

When I looked up my family tree....... I found out I was the sap.

Drink more beer!

| Member # 864 | Joined: 10-01-2004 |

Scuba Steve Male

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