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Duke
Leo
Boater
El Cajon
Posts: 151
APPD 0.02
Post Rank: 120
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Posted: Nov. 17 2004,11:24 am |
Post # 4 |
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What do you call a fat chick in oceanside?
Answer: a heavy marine layer
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| Member # 630 | Joined: 5-10-2004 | |
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Ziggy
Cancer
Slum Lord
 
Oceanside, Ca./Lake Havasu, Az.
Posts: 7,441
APPD 0.94
Post Rank: 10
2016 Nordic 26 Deck
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Posted: Nov. 17 2004,4:46 pm |
Post # 6 |
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A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!
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.
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida onThursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his
wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother
on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been.... prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Ain't life Grand? Treat it that way. The Love of my Life, Jan.  |
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| Member # 192 | Joined: 8-27-2003 | |
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GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter
V-Driver For Life!
  
Big River, Ca
Posts: 62,896
APPD 7.79
Post Rank: 1
Spectra20
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Posted: Nov. 18 2004,4:42 am |
Post # 7 |
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| Quote (Ziggy @ Nov. 17 2004,5:40 pm) | | Quote (Duke @ Nov. 17 2004,10:24 am) | What do you call a fat chick in oceanside?
Answer: a heavy marine layer |
Ouch!!! Â  But funny..........Those Az guys probably don't get it  |
Wanna bet!..  
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| Member # 101 | Joined: 3-03-2003 | |
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GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter
V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca
Posts: 62,896
APPD 7.79
Post Rank: 1
Spectra20
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Posted: Nov. 18 2004,4:43 am |
Post # 8 |
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| Quote (Ziggy @ Nov. 17 2004,5:46 pm) | A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!
.
.
  A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a  particularly  icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
 Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida onThursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.
 There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his
wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother
on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
         To: My Loving Wife
         Subject: I've Arrived
         Date: October 16, 2004
 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
 I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been.... prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
then!
  Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
 P.S. Sure is hot down here! |
That is too funny!.  
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Duke
Leo
Boater
El Cajon
Posts: 151
APPD 0.02
Post Rank: 120
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Posted: Nov. 18 2004,11:39 am |
Post # 9 |
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| Quote (Ziggy @ Nov. 17 2004,4:40 pm) | | Quote (Duke @ Nov. 17 2004,10:24 am) | What do you call a fat chick in oceanside?
Answer: a heavy marine layer |
Ouch!!! Â But funny..........Those Az guys probably don't get it
Don't get me started on any of the El Cajonie jokes now |
Any jokes about El Cajoneis or Lakesideeins are more than welcome
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| Member # 630 | Joined: 5-10-2004 | |
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Carrera Elite
Libra
HDF Supporter
Glendale,AZ
Posts: 44,127
APPD 5.41
Post Rank: 2
1990 Carrera 23.5 Classic
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Posted: Dec. 16 2004,11:48 am |
Post # 12 |
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Â
"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.
"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!! I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!! WWW.StormPokerRuns.Com  |
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| Member # 8 | Joined: 12-04-2002 | |
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Carrera Elite
Libra
HDF Supporter
Glendale,AZ
Posts: 44,127
APPD 5.41
Post Rank: 2
1990 Carrera 23.5 Classic
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Posted: Dec. 16 2004,11:51 am |
Post # 13 |
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A message From Santa..........
Dear Friends,
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have, I will tell my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with a VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming.
The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves, and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird crap.
On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation, and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get things together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your butts down to Wal-Mart before everything is gone.
Merry Christmas,
Santa
Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!! I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!! WWW.StormPokerRuns.Com |
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| Member # 8 | Joined: 12-04-2002 | |
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GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter
V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca
Posts: 62,896
APPD 7.79
Post Rank: 1
Spectra20
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Posted: Dec. 16 2004,7:51 pm |
Post # 16 |
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Isn't this amazing?
TAXES
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
Capital Gains Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Court Fines (indirect taxes)
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 c ents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax Interest expense
(tax on the money)
Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges
(tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties
(tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Local Income Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Septic Permit Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Road Toll Booth Taxes
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and
Local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Toll Bridge Taxes
Toll Tunnel Taxes
Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
Trailer registration tax
Ut ility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vihicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
COMMENTS:
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was the most
prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, had the
largest
middle class in the world and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What the hell happened???
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| Member # 101 | Joined: 3-03-2003 | |
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GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter
V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca
Posts: 62,896
APPD 7.79
Post Rank: 1
Spectra20
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Posted: Dec. 16 2004,7:52 pm |
Post # 17 |
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THE DACHSHUND!
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all.
They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight.They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years,they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 " thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund---but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all. Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves." "That's nothing,"said Bush."We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a wiener dog."
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| Member # 101 | Joined: 3-03-2003 | |
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GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter
V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca
Posts: 62,896
APPD 7.79
Post Rank: 1
Spectra20
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Posted: Dec. 16 2004,7:53 pm |
Post # 18 |
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CRAZY WHITE MAN
An old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U. S. Government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles" asked one Official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The Chief nodded in agreement. The Official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" The Chief stared at the Government Officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When whit man found the land, Indians were running it." "No taxes." "No debt." "Plenty buffalo." "Plenty beaver." "Women did all the work." "Medicine man free." "Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing." "All night having sex." Then the Chief leaned back and smiled,
"Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
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shueman
Libra
HDF Gold Supporter
Born To Drive...
Alta Loma CA
Posts: 17,228
APPD 2.23
Post Rank: 4
NADA
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Posted: Dec. 17 2004,6:43 pm |
Post # 19 |
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[FOUND ON HOTBOAT]
If you haven't made those Christmas cookies yet, here's a recipe you should try:
Christmas cookie recipe
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup ... just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
CHERRY MISTMAS
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| Member # 376 | Joined: 2-01-2004 | |
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GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter
V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca
Posts: 62,896
APPD 7.79
Post Rank: 1
Spectra20
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Posted: Dec. 18 2004,6:04 am |
Post # 20 |
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| Member # 101 | Joined: 3-03-2003 | |
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3-31-2025 Three Word Post.....The Next Generation.... (Rep.#19,680) from: GoFastRacer
