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Her454
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Pinky Tuscadero
Northern Calif
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Posted: Mar. 06 2003,5:58 pm |
Post # 1 |
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An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling around up and down the halls in her wheelchair, making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am, but you were speeding, can I see your drivers license?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning, and sends her on her way. Up and down the hall again she goes, making sounds like she's driving a car. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says "Excuse me ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please? She digs around in her purse and pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way. She zooooms off again, up and down the halls weaving all over the place. As she comes to the old mans room, he jumps out. This time he is stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel chair looks up at him and says.."Oh No, Not the breathalizer again!" 
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Her454
Libra
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Northern Calif
Posts: 429
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Post Rank: 66
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Posted: Mar. 06 2003,6:04 pm |
Post # 2 |
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A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby....all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her - knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note back to the man. The note read "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants. The man, after reading the note, sends one of his own back to her and it read, "Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, BMW 850IL and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over 20million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches"! Just send the bottle back!
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Her454
Libra
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Northern Calif
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Posted: Mar. 06 2003,6:11 pm |
Post # 4 |
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| Quote (Kim Hanson @ Mar. 06 2003,6:06 pm) | Here ya go girl......Exercise
I am trying to stay in shape for the new year and found this new
Exercise program for people who spend too much time at the computer.
You might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become
more proficient. |
Thanks Kim, but Im going to take it slow at first.....dont want to over do it right before I go back to work!
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Her454
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Northern Calif
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Posted: Mar. 06 2003,6:23 pm |
Post # 5 |
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Ok, one more....and pardon the sarcasm....well, not really.
He said...Want a quickie?
She said....Opposed to what?
He said...I dont know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it..
She said...You wear briefs dont you?
He said...Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left the money.
He said...This coffee isn't fit for a pig.
She said...No problem, I'll get you some that is.
He said...Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said....Well, you succeeded.
She said...What do you mean comming home half drunk?
He said...Its not my fault, I ran out of money.
Priest...I dont think you will ever find another man like your late husband.
She said....Who's gonna look?
He said....Lets try a different position tonight?
She said...Thats a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
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Kim Hanson
Capricorn
HDF Bronze Supporter
....( . )( . )....
Alberta Canada
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Posted: Mar. 06 2003,6:27 pm |
Post # 6 |
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A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van (you know,
shag
> >>carpets, big double mattress in the back... all that) when suddenly the
> >>girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me,
Whip
> >>me!"
> >>
> >>The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did
not
> >>have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the
window,
> >>snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they
both
> >>collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
> >>
> >>About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping
> >>session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The
doctor
> >>takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having
> >>sex?"
> >>
> >>
> >>The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, She did.
> >>Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because
in
> >>all my years of doctoring............
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >Wait for it...
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >Are you ready...?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >...You've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever
Seen."
Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror."
..........................( . )( . )................................
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GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter
V-Driver For Life!
  
Big River, Ca
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Spectra20
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Posted: Mar. 06 2003,6:56 pm |
Post # 9 |
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You guys are too funny!.. 
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Her454
Libra
Pinky Tuscadero
Northern Calif
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Posted: Mar. 06 2003,8:12 pm |
Post # 10 |
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well Kim, apparently Im not the only one that needs excercise on the boards...
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Mrs big boy toys
Libra
            Angel
Spokane Washington
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Posted: Mar. 08 2003,6:27 am |
Post # 11 |
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Timing is everything
A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot for "parking."
He saw a couple in a car, with the interior light on.
He got closer to the car and saw a young man behind the wheel reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walked to the
car and knocked on the window.
The young man lowered his window and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a PC magazine."
Pointing toward the young woman, the cop asked, "And her, what is she doing?"
he young man shrugged. "I believe she's knitting a pullover."
The cop was totally confused. A young couple alone in a car
at night, doing nothing but reading and knitting!
"What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 22, sir."
"And her, what's her age?"
The young man looked at his watch and said, "She'll be 18 in 20 minutes"
God Bless Our Troops past, present, and future......"Thank You" To all Vietnam Vets. You are all Hero's to me.  |
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GoFastRacer
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Posted: Mar. 10 2003,6:07 pm |
Post # 14 |
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Totally self contained huh!..
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GoFastRacer
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Big River, Ca
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Posted: Mar. 10 2003,8:33 pm |
Post # 17 |
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GoFastRacer
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Posted: Mar. 11 2003,7:43 am |
Post # 19 |
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That is a classic!..
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GoFastRacer
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Big River, Ca
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Posted: Mar. 11 2003,6:02 pm |
Post # 22 |
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Priceless!.
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GoFastRacer
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Big River, Ca
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Spectra20
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Posted: Mar. 11 2003,6:42 pm |
Post # 24 |
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11-24-2024 Three Word Post.....The Next Generation.... (Rep.#19,435) from: BigDog
