FBT
Scorpio
Boatless
NorCal
Posts: 24
APPD 0.00
Post Rank: 237
99 SkiSanger DLX
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Posted: Oct. 19 2007,9:43 pm |
Post # 3 |
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Hey guys,
I am embarrassed to admit I've only been east of the Mississippi once in my entire 49 years, and that was to fly into Kentucky then drive to Ft. Knox to watch our son graduate from BCT.
So well travelled I ain't.  Judging somebody else's neck-o-the-woods when I ain't been there ain't my style.
California isn't what it once was either. I wouldn't start off in the police business again knowin' what I know now on a bet.
Even up here in the north end of the state, which is nothing like the "California" you see on TV most of the time, we are getting overcrowded with fleeing city folk. Or we were until gas hit 3 bucks a gallon, work dried up and real estate hit the ceiling. Things are slowin' down.
You can always tell when a flatlander moves up here.
The first thing they when they move "out in the country", on their 1/4 acre "ranchette" is put up a 10,000 megawatt arc light in their front yard, goes on at dusk and off at dawn. Then they set about telling everybody that has lived around here for 20 or 30 years how "they did it back home", as if anybody gives a damn. (if it was so cool, why'd they move?)
Then they let their damn dogs run free, "cause they're in the country" and get pissed off when some rancher a mile down the road kills the critter when he catches it killing his cattle or chasing horses.
The first time they hear a mountain lion scream, we get a report of a woman being raped, "right in my backyard" I don't know what freaked 'em out more, the sound, or when we get there, listen  and said, "aaahh, no lady, that is a mountain lion".
-"I know what a woman sounds like, that was a woman, deputy"
-"Well, lady, I know what a cougar sounds like, and that was a cougar"
'Course, winter is a whole 'nother treat. Ya get folks calling the cops wanting to file a complaint against a real estate agent for not telling them that;
-It snows in the mountains at 3500 Ft.
-The power goes out when it snows alot
-"Send the water company out, we ain't got no water"
 (They are on a well )
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Yes, this is Mrs. Dipstick on Banner Mountain road."
"Yes  Mrs. Dipstick, what is your emergency?"
"It is snowing up here, who is going to clear my driveway?"
"It is snowing down here, too Ma'am. Do you have an emergency.?"
"This is an emergency, you idiot!
"Well no maa'm, it is not, but is your driveway a county road?"
"No, it is my driveway, but somebody has to clear it. I have to go to the store tomorrow. I can't get my Cadillac out until you clear it"
"Ahh, Mrs Dipstick, this is the emergency line, please remember that, but in the meantime you will have to make arrangements to clear your driveway if it isn't a county road. The plows only clear the roads that are county maintained"
"Young man, this will be an emergency if I cannot get to the store tomorrow to get groceries. I demand you send someone up here to clear this driveway, or send a deputy up here to take me to the store tomorrow, promptly at nine am. I am a taxpayer, I know my rights"
Â
Don't laugh. This is one of the more lucid of our fellow citizens.
I personally have pointed out to more than one flatlander that, on a front wheel drive car, the tire chains go on the front, not the back, only to have them point out to me that they know what they are doing, then they flag me down and demand a pull when they wind up in a ditch 1/4 mile down the road.
I love this area, but it'd be a helluva lot nicer without all the damn people.
I sound cynical as hell don't I?
FBT
"CERTIFIED EXPLOSIVES TECHNICIAN"
-If you see me running, try to keep up-
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