HD Forums - Topic - Something to prime you for St. Patrick's Day

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HemiDude

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Say, is your wife doing anything

Posted: Mar. 07 2008,9:00 am

Post # 1

******Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2007******

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come

Real motors are Hemis and Chevys, Fords dont count!

"Stress: (noun) - The confusion created when one's mind overules the body's basic desire to choke the living $hit out of some as$hole that desperately deserves it."

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DirtySquirty Male

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Posted: Mar. 07 2008,10:02 am

Post # 2

"It seemed like a hell of an idea at the time".

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Carrera Elite Male

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Posted: Mar. 07 2008,10:53 am

Post # 3

Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!!
I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!

WWW.StormPokerRuns.Com

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GlassMan

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Posted: Mar. 07 2008,11:43 am

Post # 4

It's a fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......

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GlassMan

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Posted: Mar. 07 2008,1:00 pm

Post # 5

Saint Patrick was a gentleman,
Who through strategy and stealth,
Drove all the snakes from Ireland,
Hereâ€™s a toasting to his health.
But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself and then
Forget the good Saint Patrick
And see all those snakes again.

:beer

It's a fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......

| Member # 617 | Joined: 4-29-2004 |

GlassMan

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Posted: Mar. 07 2008,1:03 pm

Post # 6

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. Each orders a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land-- one, two, three-- in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another... the Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches in to the glass, grabs the fly between his fingers and shakes him as hard as he can, shouting 'Spit it out, ya bloody bastard! Spit it out!'
:beat

It's a fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......

| Member # 617 | Joined: 4-29-2004 |

GlassMan

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Posted: Mar. 07 2008,1:04 pm

Post # 7

An Irish man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So your man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door he tries to stand up, and yet again, falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength and tries one final time to stand.

It's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting.

'So... you've been out drinking again!'

'How did you know?' he asks, his head hung in shame.

'The pub called-- you left your damn wheelchair down there again!'

:laugh

It's a fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......

| Member # 617 | Joined: 4-29-2004 |

GlassMan

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Posted: Mar. 07 2008,1:05 pm

Post # 8

An Irish man shows up in a pub one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The bartender says, 'Sure it's up to yourself, but wouldn't you rather I was bringing them one at a time? Then they'll be fresh and cold.'
'Nah...' your man says, ' I'm preferrin' that ye bring 'em three at a time. You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink to each other's honour this way.'

'Well,' says the bartender, 'that's a grand thing to do, all right. I'll bring the pints as you ask.'

Well, time goes on and your man's peculiar habit is known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day though, he comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of the brothers. A group of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened. With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, 'Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?'

The Irish man looks extremely puzzled for a moment, and then starts laughing.

'Oh, no, no, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've given up drinking for Lent...'
:stupid

It's a fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......

| Member # 617 | Joined: 4-29-2004 |

HemiDude

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Say, is your wife doing anything

Posted: Mar. 07 2008,1:08 pm

Post # 9

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GoFastRacer Male

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Posted: Mar. 08 2008,5:40 am

Post # 10

Good ones!.. :laugh

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shueman

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Posted: Mar. 08 2008,6:13 am

Post # 11

Quote (GlassMan @ Mar. 07 2008,1:05 pm)

'Oh, no, no, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've given up drinking for Lent...'

Good ones G'Man... :rotflmao

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Carrera Elite Male

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Posted: Mar. 08 2008,8:03 am

Post # 12

Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!!
I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!

WWW.StormPokerRuns.Com

| Member # 8 | Joined: 12-04-2002 |

11 replies since Mar. 07 2008,9:00 am

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